000 Open Forum

It's strange how impulses come and go throughout a life. MSN had a story on how the brain works. The memory take a moment in your life and dissects it into the tiny insignificant details that make the whole.

You may not realize it at the time, but you see more than you can know. That first moment when you see the girl on the front porch of the house next door. When you chase down that certain someone that you deliver packages to. When you run a stop sign and hit a car that you didn't think would be there. All of these moments store in your brain. The brain doesn't assign one cell to the memory. It breaks it up. The braided tails of her hair hanging down. The sunlight and how you stopped breathing for a second. The scent in the air. The light in the hall. The eyes on the other driver's face. All of these things are stored in the bits of the moment that they are and get associated to a sense of the moment more than the actual moment. Sometime when it's sunny out and the wind is just right or you walk down another hall with similar lighting, you will expect to see her there. A flash in the neurons. A trick of nature. Everything is connected even when it isn't. In these moments, you find happiness and joy. In these moments, you find sorrow and mourn your lost innocence. In these moments, some things become clear.

Today, in this moment, I flashed through the things I had dreamt so hard about in my life. The wants, the attempts, the cowardice. The futile waste of time that is what I am now. I realize, in this moment, that I want nothing else but this feeling. The sense of doing something I truly enjoy. It's finding what you've always loved and getting to keep it with you.