"Three men sitting at home on a Saturday night. What could be more exciting?" Adam sat back loudly groaning as a spring from the back of the couch jammed into his rib. He hated Jake's apartment and , to a lesser extent, Jake for refusing to buy new furniture like he was still living in his old college house. Jake had graduated from undergrad eight years back and been through three years of law school including an internship with the largest consulting firm in DC.
"Maybe watching a major boxing event? Oh, wait. That's what we are doing tonight." Tyler gave Adam a snide look before landing on a different wayward spring in the same couch. "Ouch You need to toss this piece of crap soon, Jake. If I get tetanus from one of these springs, you will be buying me a new TV with the punitive damages to my shattered soul."
Many of Tyler's faux legal speeches came across like he had failed out of a drama school instead of law school. More fake legal speak from Tyler meant another bout of fighting the urge to remind him he had failed out of law school within the first year. Luckily, crowd noise filled the room as the announcer entered the ring to announce the two large men planning to beat each other senseless for the enjoyment of everyone paying sixty dollars to watch from home.
"Any interest in making this interesting? Side bets? Drinking games between rounds?" Jake maintained his drunken college kid mindset now partnering it with the flaunting of money now that he also had a job. Not that he had a large salary, but it was apparent by his home that he wasn't spending much of whatever he made.
"I have this going 8 rounds." Adam states confidently.
"Nah, 7 at best. I'm guessing maybe 4 or 5. Probably over before Denise can even get here and take Adam away." Tyler jumps in undercutting Adam Price Is Right style.
"That's not going to happen anymore. We split up." Adam folded his arms resolutely. Tyler looked chagrined at his comment. Adam did not show any sense of remorse.
"Sorry." Tyler and Jake share the same emotionless response.
"Whatever." Adam waves a hand in the air to move on from the topic of his bachelorhood.
"Well, at any rate, I'm guessing it will be a decision after 10 rounds." Jake prepares to explain why, but is cut short by commotion on screen and the ring side announcers attempting to dictate what just happened.
The champ is lying on his back with trainers surrounding him. The challenger is standing with the ring announcers microphone somehow wedged into his glove like a weapon. Blood can be seen dripping from the microphone as camera's shake and stutter attempting to get a view of the action. Before the bell has even been rung to begin, the challenger is disqualified.
"What the..." Adam echoes the sentiment of the room.
"What the, indeed." Tyler concurred.
As if on cue, the oven beeped reminding Jake the temperature was right for making the frozen pizzas he had pulled out for the event. Tyler chuckled to himself at the beeping and then quieted at something else on the screen.
"Gentlemen. The saying goes, 'When your night ends prematurely, extend it unusually.'" Tyler, now sounding like a bad male enhancement drug commercial, speaks.
"That's not a saying." Adam, still in a state of disbelief, states absentmindedly yet correctly.
"Well, it will be now. Jake, toss me the remote." Jake chucks the remote to Tyler before heading to the kitchen to turn off the oven. 'No reason to waste a pizza here with nothing to watch,' he thinks.
When Jake returns to the living room, Adam is shaking his head profusely. "That's one of the most idiotic ideas I have ever heard."
"What did I miss?" Jake plops into his run down recliner and groans as he lands on the wood beam running across the back behind the lack of padding.
"Maybe watching a major boxing event? Oh, wait. That's what we are doing tonight." Tyler gave Adam a snide look before landing on a different wayward spring in the same couch. "Ouch You need to toss this piece of crap soon, Jake. If I get tetanus from one of these springs, you will be buying me a new TV with the punitive damages to my shattered soul."
Many of Tyler's faux legal speeches came across like he had failed out of a drama school instead of law school. More fake legal speak from Tyler meant another bout of fighting the urge to remind him he had failed out of law school within the first year. Luckily, crowd noise filled the room as the announcer entered the ring to announce the two large men planning to beat each other senseless for the enjoyment of everyone paying sixty dollars to watch from home.
"Any interest in making this interesting? Side bets? Drinking games between rounds?" Jake maintained his drunken college kid mindset now partnering it with the flaunting of money now that he also had a job. Not that he had a large salary, but it was apparent by his home that he wasn't spending much of whatever he made.
"I have this going 8 rounds." Adam states confidently.
"Nah, 7 at best. I'm guessing maybe 4 or 5. Probably over before Denise can even get here and take Adam away." Tyler jumps in undercutting Adam Price Is Right style.
"That's not going to happen anymore. We split up." Adam folded his arms resolutely. Tyler looked chagrined at his comment. Adam did not show any sense of remorse.
"Sorry." Tyler and Jake share the same emotionless response.
"Whatever." Adam waves a hand in the air to move on from the topic of his bachelorhood.
"Well, at any rate, I'm guessing it will be a decision after 10 rounds." Jake prepares to explain why, but is cut short by commotion on screen and the ring side announcers attempting to dictate what just happened.
The champ is lying on his back with trainers surrounding him. The challenger is standing with the ring announcers microphone somehow wedged into his glove like a weapon. Blood can be seen dripping from the microphone as camera's shake and stutter attempting to get a view of the action. Before the bell has even been rung to begin, the challenger is disqualified.
"What the..." Adam echoes the sentiment of the room.
"What the, indeed." Tyler concurred.
As if on cue, the oven beeped reminding Jake the temperature was right for making the frozen pizzas he had pulled out for the event. Tyler chuckled to himself at the beeping and then quieted at something else on the screen.
"Gentlemen. The saying goes, 'When your night ends prematurely, extend it unusually.'" Tyler, now sounding like a bad male enhancement drug commercial, speaks.
"That's not a saying." Adam, still in a state of disbelief, states absentmindedly yet correctly.
"Well, it will be now. Jake, toss me the remote." Jake chucks the remote to Tyler before heading to the kitchen to turn off the oven. 'No reason to waste a pizza here with nothing to watch,' he thinks.
When Jake returns to the living room, Adam is shaking his head profusely. "That's one of the most idiotic ideas I have ever heard."
"What did I miss?" Jake plops into his run down recliner and groans as he lands on the wood beam running across the back behind the lack of padding.
"Watch for yourself" Tyler clicks the quick rewind button twice and a 30 second ad typically seen later at night comes on the screen.
Looking for love? Found someone but want to know if this is your soul mate? You can find out for sure by texting your first name, month and day of your birthday, and favorite pizza topping to 7685. Text your information to SOUL and receive the first name of your soul mate now.
Tyler pauses on the last screen with the details and number to text.
"And what exactly are you suggesting, Tyler."
"I am suggesting we take advantage of fate. This fight was never going to happen. I think it was meant to put us here together and suggest we get on with our lives. A cheap, late night style commercial during prime pay per view time? How does that make sense. These channels have other major cable channel events to market when the fight is over, yet this got put out instead. I say we run with the ball when it is handed to us whether we were expecting to play or not."
"Stop mixing metaphors and say what you mean."
"I am saying, text for your soul mate. Adam is even single right now."
"Barely single. Don't you think I could use some time off from dating after Denise?"
"Oh, please. We never liked her and that's only because we could both tell you never really liked her either. That puts you right her with us. Stop wasting your time with fill ins and find the real thing now. We each text and get our soul mate names. Then, we go find them. Don't we owe it to ourselves to be happy?"
Tyler held for a moment as Adam and Jake looked at each other and back to Tyler with the same look of confusion at their friend. "Well, that and I think it might be a fun way to spend a Saturday night. We roll through bars looking for girls with these names. If none are at the first place, we move onto the next. Think of it as a love pub crawl."
Jake and Adam continued to look uncertain.
"Fine. I will reimburse you for the text charges and buy the first 3 rounds."
Like sleeper agents hearing a code word, Adam and Jake each flipped out their phones on cue. Jake shrugged indifferently at Tyler as he began entering his information. Of the three, Jake made the least effort to define what his time off from work would include. Seconds after hitting send, a response returned.
"Awesome. Mine is a stripper name for sure." Jake flipped his phone closed and smiled with the confidence only a man with no clear weekend plans could manage. "Cinnamon. Fantastic. I know where I'll be going tonight."
Tyler's phone buzzed loudly. "Savannah. Could be joining you or I could find myself at a coffee bar. Crap shoot. I love it!" Tyler smiled broadly looking at Jake before shifting his focus to the buzz from Adam's phone.
Adam stared at the screen on his phone speechless. Jake and Tyler jumped up and began putting their coats on. They were a few steps from Adam to check what name he was staring so intently at when Adam flicked his thumb to the side of his phone and hit the lock key before anyone could see the message received. "Rain. It looks like I'll be joining you two tonight."
Jake tossed Adam his coat and grabbed his car keys. A few blocks down the road, Jake and Tyler were planning their first stop as Adam sat quietly in the back. Reaching into his pocket for his phone, Adam looked down at the screen on his phone with some trepidation. The screen burned into his iris with the response from his text response. One word lay before him.
Roger.
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