Synonymous

Jim pulled up the Webster's dictionary home page as he did each day for work. He was part of the viral marketing campaign for a client's male enhancement drug and needed to pull together 5 more subject lines with synonyms for enlargement and male member to attempt to bypass the typical spam filter logic. Many email programs instantly dropped his ad messages before they reached the person's Inbox denying his clients sales and cutting into his revenues.

"Well, if I call it a bat I get club, but if I call it a club I could use bat, billy, bludgeon, cane, cudgel, nightstick, rod, shillelagh, staff, or truncheon. Rod has been overused and is too obvious, but billy would be a nice alternative to jimmy. Shillelagh might get me extra credit for the Irish reference." He often spoke aloud to work out the best sounding phrases and only his cat, Castro, ever listened to him these days. Castro has a black and grey present from his ex-wife. She had found him in an animal shelter with a tear in his left ear and quirky demeanor she felt fit her husband. The name Castro came when Jim found out the cat was caught wandering Cuba Street in the west end of town.

"For the verb, ram sends me to hit and hit gives me blockbuster, megahit, smash, success, and winner. Smash might be the was to go or maybe strike. Smash is no good, but strike sends me to impact which gives me bump, collision, concussion, crash, jar, jolt, shock, smash, strike, or wallop. How about a nice jolt from the shillelagh? Nah. A bit to complex. Help billy grow up for a nice shock. That's one. I'll keep that." The cat's response was well timed for Jim to take as agreement. He reached out to stroke his head out of appreciation.

"That's my audience alright. Thanks, pal." Jim began streaking the screen with his finger tips across the words pulled for impact when a shape appeared across the words cudgel and concussion before striking down against the back of Jim's head.

When he would awake, the irony would be lost on him.